Sometimes when we awake in the morning, restless because we cannot sleep, our minds tossing and turning with the old news of regret and resentment, our bodies sluggish for the sleep we missed, our hearts slip into sadness. In those moments, we question whether the faith of waiting will lead to its promised outcome. Questions arise, and hopefully, they vocalize into prayer. I imagine one section of the Psalm 119 in just this manner: a cry in the early morning as one must step into their day and wondering where is the confidence to face what must be faced? I wonder, if reading Psalm 119:145-160, you can hear it too?

A poem written several years ago, this poem is an imagining. I came across it again late last summer after having forgotten it.

You may listen to me read the poem via the player below.

With my whole heart, I cry. With all of me
I call out when in my own company
Before the morn, when I in mourning be.
Alone I wait and wait to see
You rescue from the grave
As promised in your testimony.
With my whole heart I cry, “Save!
Oh Lord, please save me!”

With your heart, will you, do you love me?
May I trust, believe you love beyond degree?
Are just, judge with impartiality?
Love to the end though the end bitter be?
No matter the cost?
Though denied, yet love faithfully?
With your whole heart, seek the lost?
Oh Lord, do you love me?

“Nearer my God,” I sing, “Nearer to Thee”
When my enemies draw close, threaten me
Who are far from your law, who act wickedly
Who are blind, yet deny, claim they can see,
Claim they alone are right?
Will you my deliverer be?
Will you rescue, enter my night
To draw me near’r to Thee?

Why? My God, why has thou forsaken me?
My enemies heap contempt scoffingly
My friends deny they know, abandon me
Leave me to hang on this tree
This I do for love.
That blessing may rain more fully
Descend in fire, alight as a dove,
Give them you, Hide them in me.

© Randall Edwards 2018. This poem is for Christ’s church. If it is helpful, please feel free to copy or reprint in church bulletins, read aloud, or repost. I only ask that an attribution be cited to myself (Randall Edwards) and this blog (backwardmutters.com). Thanks.

Artwork: Rembrandt / Public domain.