From the home office in East Brumsick, NC, it’s the Top Ten Least Popular Church Outreach Programs from the Book of Judges.

10. Pass out bobble head idols with the church name and address with the invite, “Come one, Come Baal!”

9. Delilah billboard campaign in which she asks passing motorists, “Hey strongman, wanna tell me a secret?”

8. Pass out WWED bracelets. (What would Ehud do?)

7. Sponsor the Gideon Leadership Conference: Learn to lap your water like a dog.

6. Group Singing with Jael, “If I Had a Hammer,” “Hammer and Nail,” etc…

5. Sponsor a benefit 10K road race: Wives for the Benjaminite’s Fun Run.

4. Host “Tola’s Parenting Seminar: My Dad’s Dodo.”

3. Put on the musical pageant, “30 Donkeys for 30 Sons”

2. Offer a city walk with Jephthah’s mother.

1. Offer the Samson’s one-night stand -up comedy school’s: “How not to die on stage,” “Kill ’em Laughing,” and “Bringing Down the House.”